Mr, Cupcake at Craters of the Moon

Mr, Cupcake at Craters of the Moon
Mr. Cupcake at Craters of the Moon

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

getting in the way of my lovingkindness

I have encountered some criticism lately. First about my hair and then about blogging about personal details about my life. This criticism has come from family members.

The family member that came down hard on me for not following the status quo (as in vanity) offered an unsolicited apology the following day, which I accepted and have forgiven them for. They realized that they had missed the point entirely about me shaving my head: that it was something I had always wanted to do, that it was a letting go of my past, and stepping away from vanity. So I'm happy to report that got resolved.

In the last few days there has been a maelstrom of emails sent and phone calls made - not to me - about my blog, its contents, and how I write. Harsh criticism cloaked as 'concern'. This has brought about considerable stress and I am considering how to do deal with these unjust and irrational criticisms in a way that will keep me in the state of compassion, lovingkindness, and peacefulness. It's not easy. I'm not sure how to respond, really.

I blogged about the situation last night, then deleted the post ten minutes later. It was too inflammatory, and it might have caused more of a problem than the original post. It is my compulsion to write, you see, writing is how I ground myself and how I organize my thoughts.

I have been told to expect a phone call from one of the three parties that are all riled up about the content of the blog post from a month ago where I mentioned my depression and poverty. In preparation for this phone call, I wrote pages and pages of things I might say in response, in an attempt to practice lovingkindness and forgiveness on the page. I am a Tiger and have been victimized by bullies in the past, so when I know something like this is coming, I seriously get my back up.

I'm going to guess these three critics of my life and writing aren't regular readers about my blog, or they would have also come down on me hard for shaving my head. But in the off chance they are, I have this to say to you:

Only I get to make the decisions about my life.

Sure things are sometimes difficult, but on the whole I am happy and my relationship with my husband is solid.

If you have an issue with what I am saying then tell me rather than going behind my back and kicking up drama.

This behaviour your a displaying shows me the level of respect you have for me and subsequently the amount of my trust you shall have.

I forgive you for not understanding the whole story, I forgive you for thinking ill of me, I forgive you for causing me pain.

May you be filled with lovingkindness. May you be well in body and mind. May you be safe from inner and outer danger. May you be truly happy and free.

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear that you've had this come to you from family. I hate when people think they know the best way to for me to live my life, and get angry when I won't.

    I hope you can keep your cool and calm through whatever events result; I get my back up too when I'm expecting such. It will be ok, and keep being awesome you. :)

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  2. Thanks friend! Still haven't received the phone call but if it comes, a friend suggested I simply say "I appreciate your concern. I'm much better now." And it's true!

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