The Story of Samantha Sophia 2002-2015

Okay I think enough time has passed now that I can write about what happened.

We had a holiday party on Saturday, December 19. Sam usually hid in the back room when more than three people came into the house, and when she didn't move for a few hours, we thought that was really strange but wrote it off as her learning to be more social. A couple hours after everyone left, she started behaving very strangely. Constantly walking around the house, walking on parts of us and the bed she doesn't normally go, constant swallowing. At 2am we decided to take her to the emergency vet clinic.

A few very expensive tests later, the vet told Dan that Sam had no platelets - no cause, no cure - and would not live to Christmas. While we were there Sam became very lethargic and went blind. It was so hard to watch. We were given the options of leaving her there for more tests, having her put down, or taking her home. We opted for the latter. We got home at 4am and she was totally unresponsive. She went peacefully an hour later.

It was just so sudden and there was no way we could have prepared ourselves for that, nothing we could have done differently to help. She did not suffer.

It's been a long time since I have had to mourn the loss of a loved one. She was my baby, we were together for 13 years - a long time for her breed as I understand it but I expected her to live at least to 17. That cat has been all over the place though - she was born in Korea, I took her to Canada in 2003, she moved between Alberta & BC for a few years until we settled in BC, Then we immigrated to the United States in 2013, moved to North Carolina and then Utah eleven months later. She lived in Utah just nine days shy of two years.

This all happened at a very interesting time, actually. If it had happened during a semester I would have been completely messed up. Because she died just at the beginning of the Christmas break, I had time to grieve with no work obligations - and we had no social plans for Christmas either (thank the heavens!) If it had happened at the end of this spring semester when we are also planning to move out of the house we are renting, that would have been difficult too. So really, it could not have come at a better time. Kitties know that, I think. Still, it's been hard getting used to our house being really quiet.

In the days that followed her passing, we took out all the kitty supplies. Her two scratching posts were nearly threadbare anyway, and with the mobility ramps that Dan built in 2013, all her paraphernalia took up a lot of space. I gave away her food to neighbours. We had to clean up from the party anyway but we have completely rearranged the house again.

It's also really changed our perspective on things. It was unconscious, but we had planned to stay in Salt Lake after I graduate partly because we didn't want to put her through another move. We don't have to worry about that now. We can also go away for a week or weekend and not need to find someone to look after the kitty. We definitely plan to get cats again in the future but not until we are a bit more stable and we know where I will be working.

During the week around New Year's eve, I looked after my friend Jenn's cats while she was away. She didn't know I had lost my companion. It was so nice to be loved up by her big fluffy kitties - I think they knew I was grieving for my baby.

Because of the full-on winter weather we had for the two weeks over the holidays, we weren't able to find a place to bury Sam. Finally, on New Year's day we found a good place in the western desert and gave her a perfect send off. We did everything we could for her, and now it's time to let her go and move on. I still get sad and cry every day when something reminds me of her, of course. She's the only pet I have ever had in my adult life. But as a gardener, I understand that all things must die that others may live.

time to blog

Hello readers, do I have any readers left?

When I wasn't working very much or at all, especially when I was waiting for immigration, I had all kinds of time to write. I remember the days when I had the leisure time to blog about all the different kinds of scissors I owned. Those were the days! Now I barely have time to think about blogging but it doesn't mean I have given up on it entirely. In fact, I have now set myself a weekly reminder in my work calendar to update my blog. Not that I will actually get to it every week, but this is a start.

On the whole, things are going very well for me and Dan. I am just half a year away from finishing this non-thesis Master's degree in Biomedical Informatics and then I will be let loose into the world to find some sort of job. I don't know yet what that will be, there is just so much opportunity out there that I think it will be difficult to decide. We do know we plan to stay put in the Salt Lake valley for  a while - I love it here. This is the best place I have ever lived. So my career options are: University of Utah Health Care (basically where I am now), Veteran's Affairs (I have a partial appointment there), Intermountain Health, and industry. I haven't formally started looking yet, I will do that launch next month at the AMIA Symposium and then really start hustling in 2016.

This symposium is our industry's biggest academic convention. It's in San Francisco this year. I haven't been since 2013 when I saved up my tips from bartending in North Carolina and took the Amtrak to DC, I was determined to get back into the field. I'm going this year because I had a poster accepted and then I won some travel awards to allow me to attend. The poster is about a really interesting project that we had some excellent results with, something I continue to work on with user interface design. Who know I would end up doing user interface design? I'm doing all kinds of things I never thought I would/could and I have to say it's been an excellent experience.

It is sort of funny - I received a Master's from the University of Victoria in 2009 in Health Information Science, and this is essentially the same degree - Biomedical Informatics - but in some ways this program is more robust and I am entrenched in the American health care system. I have had excellent training and mentorship, tons of opportunities and have made a great many friendships.

So 2016 will be a big year for me. On February 4, I will be eligible to apply for US Citizenship (three years!). Six weeks later I will turn 42 on the full moon lunar eclipse, so I will basically know the meaning of life by then, right? Then I will graduate and get an awesome new job and maybe we will find a way to buy a house? Next year holds a lot of promise.

Socially, we have become known as people who know our way around food and the garden. We have built up really a lot of reserves (I grew enough cucumbers so that I won't need to make mustard pickle again until at least 2017) and seeds. People know I'm a gardener and just give me seeds all the time. I can't turn them down. I have also been saving seeds so at this rate I have enough for a field of sunflowers, marigolds and calendula, among other things. I have nurtured kombucha mothers and sourdough starters and have been able to give them away and teach others how to make stuff. These things are coming second nature to me now and this kind of sharing has gone a long way to help build social capital.

I have been able to make and grow a lot of really amazing friendships in the nearly two years since we have been in SLC. A number of those friendships began early on in our time here, and they have been incredibly important for my mental health. We are all busy people but it just seems so easy to get together and do stuff, even if it's just running into the neighbor by chance and having a great conversation. We have gotten to know a lot of our neighbors and it's nice feeling that level of security - we all have each other's back.

I haven't been knitting much since I have been here - between school, work, and gardening/preserving, there really hasn't been time. I accept that it's a part of my life/identity that will always be with me but other things have to take precedence right now.

Sam is doing great. Dan has added ramps to her scratching posts so it's easier for her to get up and down. We have also added steps to the sofas and bed so she doesn't have to claw her way up. She's 13 and has sore hips, so she doesn't jump up like she used to. I took her to the vet for a check up in August and she received a clean bill of health. Not only that, but everyone at the clinic gushed at how beautiful she is. Of course they did!

I have a list of things I plan to write about (and of course I'm willing to take requests) so I won't go into too much detail right now on all our adventures. Just know I am trying, I do plan to keep writing. Someday this may come in handy... 

Not the smoothest transition

I must admit I *love* being a housewife. Waking up when I want, setting my own pace, drinking coffee, writing, doing laundry, baking bread, reading/writing/knitting at my leisure. It's really a lot of fun.

But it doesn't pay the bills. My new job at the health food store is nice, but it is not going to pay any bills either. So far I have had only one or two shifts a week, and they are only four hour shifts, so it is definitely not sustainable for me. I'll have a conversation with the owner next week and we'll talk about what our needs are, mine and hers, and see if we can come to a new arrangement.

Part of the problem is that we are planning some weekend trips in the next five weeks. I am going to the AMIA Symposium in DC in the middle of November. I registered for the symposium back in August, paid $700 from basically a whole paycheck in order to be able to go. Normally the people who go to these kinds of things are sponsored by their employer or school. I decided to fork over the money and go so I can meet people and get back into my field - health informatics. I will do all kinds of research before I go - who is presenting, where the attendees are from, who are the right people to approach with my curriculum vitae in hand.Surely with the symposium being so close there should be a fairly good representation from employers in North Carolina, right?

One thing is for certain: there no career for me in Kinston or even Greenville, it sounds like. With my education and experience, well-meaning people who don't know any better keep telling me I'm sure to get something at such-and-such a place. But I have been applying to all of those places. I am either overqualified or don't have the skill set they are looking for. I need a bigger market to be looking in. I'm sure I could find work that would allow me to pay my bills, but my career is idling and after all those years I spent in post-secondary, it's a shame to let all that go to waste. I have huge income-earning potential and after getting a sense of what it is like to run a business (albeit a night club), I am ready for a bigger project to sink my teeth into. But how do I get there? How do I get my foot in the door?

Admittedly this is a terrible time to be looking for work. The US government has been shut down since October 1st and is heading for a default, which will not only mean severe hardship for federal employees, but also to all those businesses that rely on those government agencies and the income generated by them. The US economy as a whole is contracting and will continue to contract. Where will I find my place?

On the other hand, with the Affordable Care Act (i.e. Obamacare), one would think that there is a demand for someone with a health informatics background in this new health care paradigm. Unfortunately the Courtyard Group is enmeshed in another controversy after making a big attempt, it seems, to rebrand itself after what they did a few years ago, and it is they who are responsible for the problems all those millions of Americans who have tried to sign up for Affordable Care but were shut down by website glitches. Interestingly, I was considering taking a job with Courtyard when I graduated in 2009, before all the scandal broke out. I am so glad I dodged that bullet!

I am sure you are wondering too what a job for me in the city will mean for me and Dan. It's hard to know. For the right job, say in Durham, (specifically at Duke) we talked about me getting an apartment for work during the week and coming back to Kinston on weekends. Yes it would suck to be apart so much, especially after our immigration ordeal, but the fact is I need to be earning money and using my brain. Maybe we could find a place to live that's halfway in between here and there - I have friends in British Columbia who do that. I don't have this imaginary well-paying job yet, so it's almost futile to really consider.

I really like not working six days a week. I really like not working weekends, and being able to spend my weekends with Dan is wonderful. The night club was really quite stressful for me, really more stressful than I realized while I was in it. In some ways I'm still having a hard time letting go, but that will come in time.

The other thing I am finding is that now that I am not working in a job that has me interacting with hundreds of people, I... have no social life. I only see people if I go to the restaurants downtown or back to the club for a visit. I would love to join or participate in a stitch night, but for a state that grows cotton there are very few people who do any textile-based crafts in this area. It's really disappointing. I heard there is a book club in Kinston but that it's "mostly old ladies", which wouldn't bother me if it didn't bother them, depending on the kinds of books they read.

And it's not like I can go hang out in coffee shops. There is only one, is only open until 4:00, weekdays. I can't really go for walks or runs in my neighborhood without getting ogled by men or being asked for money/cigarettes - there is a lot of poverty here and I don't feel safe outside my truck or without Dan at my side. Now that I am not completely enmeshed in my job I have time to look around.

I feel hopeful that something really good is about to come along though. I have a lot of applications out there and I am excited about the symposium. Not only will I get reacquainted with the state of the art in health informatics, but I will see who the big players are now and hopefully I recognize a few - I knew all the names back around 2005-2009. I'll give my CV a facelift and I am even reconsidering joining LinkedIn again - I dropped it a few years back when I saw no value in it, but it seems to have changed according to some. (If you have an opinion on this I would love to hear it).

crossing the border

Well that was easy.

But it was not without its stresses. My interview was on January 24th, a Thursday, and my visa should have been issued within three business days, but was not issued until January 30th. It wasn't even sent until February 1st, when it left Dorval, Quebec, just after midnight local time.

Turns out Loomis doesn't deliver on weekends, so we spent the entire weekend wondering what was taking so long for my visa to arrive. Then, yesterday (Monday) morning at 6:00am, I checked the status - it had arrived in Richmond (basically the Vancouver Airport) at 05:15. So I knew it would arrive on Monday.

We got up a little later and started packing. I was checking the status every half hour, so when at 8:00 my document's status was "Undeliverable", I panicked. I phoned. They said it was ready for pick up. All "Undeliverable" meant was that they weren't delivering it to me, but that I had to go retrieve it.

We had started packing on the weekend and Dan had the truck just about ready to button up when we couldn't find the document from Ford saying the truck was clear of any problems. I had a fax of the original but not the original itself. We unpacked the truck, looked through just about everything, repacked, looked again, and ended up being delayed for a few hours which included no small amount of anxiety. What if they required the original and wouldn't let us across the border? Where was the document, it was just here a few days ago....

Dan did point out that the National Visa Center did lose our documents several times, so it's no great surprise that we couldn't find this. Even so, I felt terribly negligent. Our departure time kept getting delayed and delayed and stress was mounting. At some point we made the decision to just go, see what they said at the border, and hope they let us in.

Saying farewell to the family that had so well taken care of me all these many months was emotional and I was really trying hard to keep myself together. I have not slept a full night in, well, I don't know how many days now, and with the mounting stress I was really starting to feel like I was going to crack. Luckily, Dan is great at holding me together. He reminded me that my visa was the most important thing. We rolled away at 1:52pm, had a couple of stops to make (including getting my visa from the courier), and lined up for the 5:00 ferry.

That felt okay. I'm so used to taking the ferry (especially these past few weeks - this was my third trip to the mainland) and I had my knitting so it felt fine. The ferry landed at 6:35pm, and it was about a half hour to the border, not including a pee stop.

So let's say we approached the border just after 7:00pm. The line was moving fast and we barely had time to get our documents out when it was our turn at the window. As we were not just passing through, we had to go inside for secondary inspection.

I must say, they have done a really nice job at renovating the US side of customs at Peace Arch. Some beautiful blown glass from some uber famous guy that of course Dan knew, having studied blown glass. Again we weren't in line long, and we got the cheerful border agent said "who's in a good mood? Who is next?" Already we felt at ease.

We had some nice easy conversation as he looked at our passports. Asked Dan what he does "I make beer" he said, and our new friend Agent W-- bowed to Dan. (I'm told this happens a lot). Agent W-- got up to get some tissue with some cleansing agent that was white and milky, had me put down a couple of fingerprints, then handed me the tissue with lotion on it and said "It's not what it looks like!" He was going through my documents and Dan said Agent W-- was really good at his job. Agent W-- said "This is my second day." I said "You're full of shit!" And Agent W-- laughed so hard this colleague down the way asked what was so funny. He said "I said it was my second day and she said 'shit!'". I corrected him "No, I said you are full of shit!" which was even funner, and he got out the handcuffs. It was entirely jovial and gosh, we were even having fun!  He appeared to barely look through my documents when he decided early on to grant me entry, so that was all good.

Then there was the issue of the truck and the cat. Turns out the piece of paper we spent hours looking for wasn't even the one they wanted (Thanks, Ford), so we'll have to import the truck from inside the US anyway. Our man was okay with that. Kitty was of no consequence. He popped outside to look over the truck (which by then had already been scanned and sniffed), told us to look at the art, and we barely had time to remark on it when he called us back to the desk. He was the first to welcome me to America and shook my hand and Dan's hand. I could have cried, I suppressed a squee. It was easy. We had been led to expect we would be there two hours, but I think we were out of there in under 30 minutes. Finally one step of this process was easy!

Dan and I were elated. We rolled in to Blaine, Washington, and started tweeting and texting. Cheers and yays and congratulations started rolling in immediately. We could finally get on with our trip and the rest of our lives!

Next we went hunting for food, settled for Safeway sandwiches, and decided to just drive through the night to Missoula where the family condo is. Gas kept getting cheaper and cheaper (the lowest we have seen is $2.93/gallon) as we headed east, and I have been tweeting our progress. We did stop to nap at some point in the early hours, in eastern Washington, and eventually made it to Missoula around 11am local time.

We brought Sam inside (and she had only this morning gotten used to the idea of driving) and then went out for breakfast/lunch. We got clean when we returned and the plan was to get some sleep before starting the next leg of our journey, sometime this evening. Do you think with how little sleep I have had these many days that I could get any rest? It's getting annoying, and I want to be able to take my turn at driving. Dan has been sleeping for hours, he's so lucky he can sleep anywhere, any time. I can't turn my brain off. I was hoping to be able to relax by now (though I did nearly fall asleep in the bathtub). I wish I was less high strung.

So I thought I'd get this post up, since I'm awake, and to let everyone know where we're at. I think I'm honestly more relieved than anything now, and I can get down to the business of living with my best friend again as I learn how to become an American. Sam is restless just now too, I think she wants to play, which is really a good sign. I'm glad she can relax.

The plan from here - not sure our exact route because we haven't sussed out the weather in all locations, but I believe we'll be headed through Wyoming next and then possibly South Dakota or Nebraska. We'll drive through the night again (less traffic!) and during the day tomorrow, then stay in a Motel 6 or something on Wednesday night. I'll hopefully post more then, we'll see how tired I am!

a courier that doesn't work weekends

Hahaha turns out Loomis doesn't work weekends. So on Friday night I darn near squeed with excitement at the fact that they finally were in possession of my passport/visa around midnight, local time. Earlier in the day the person I spoke to on the phone said it's pretty much overnight. What he neglected to tell me was that they don't work weekends.

Thanks, assholes.

Well, we spent most of yesterday packing up the truck which mostly took my mind off the fact that my visa still had not arrived.

We had about 20 cardboard boxes of books which Dan carefully individually wrapped with Saran Wrap, and they went under the platform where the kitty box is.

We don't know what kind of weather we'll be encountering, but we are sure to be driving through snow and rain at some point, so we need to keep things dry. So the big plastic lock box will contain blankets, Sam's litter box, and her food and water. We call it the kitty condo. This serves a number of purposes. It is the only place where the litter box can go. It gives Sam a place to hide, or for us to put her while we are fussing with the cab of the truck. She will come and go through a hole cut in the box, through the sliding glass window in the back of the cab.

Not a great photo with all the reflection, but hopefully you can see where we would slide the window open and the kitty can go in. It will be much more comfy when the blankets are in.

I can be a bit spastic and controlling at times, particularly just before a big move like this, which ends up just paralyzing me. Luckily Dan is here to take the reins and direct me, and I am good at just carrying boxes, especially if they are heavy. Moving is stressful, and I have been receiving tons of phone calls and messages asking "what's happening?" - and fair enough - but it is really just adding to the stress. I have to relax a bit and let events simply happen, since I have no control over when I will get my visa, when we can actually leave. I haven't been sleeping, which at first was due to adjusting to sleeping with someone who snores, but even that fades and I'm just awake awake awake for hours in the early morning, thinking and wondering why the hell this is all taking so long. I'm having a hard time relaxing and it is definitely wearing on me.

So we have another day in Victoria. And it's practically half gone already. Dan is working on the final structure for the truck, which entails plywood and tarp and bungees to secure and rainproof our things. Almost everything is packed, except for the things we'll need for a week of driving. I have time to do another load of laundry. Maybe we'll watch a movie this afternoon - there is no shortage of entertainment in this house.

I'm looking forward to being able to relax, which will hopefully be just after we cross the border tomorrow (please let it be tomorrow). If we do get there, we should be in Missoula by midnight, if the winds are with us.

further frustrations

Where the hell is my visa?

In Montreal I was told it should only take a couple of days to process and then sent by courier. I just phoned Loomis, they have no record of it yet.

This means it hasn't left Montreal yet.

On the piece of paper I received after my interview, it said "don't hesitate to call us". So I called. The automated voice message said "for immigration visa inquiries, send email to this address", so I emailed this address. The auto-reply was "for blah blah blah you must fill out this form on this address". So I filled out the form, and then the message was "thank you. Please allow 10-15 business days for us to respond".

This is beyond frustrating. It's stressful not knowing, and we can't just hang around and wait for a few weeks. Dan has to get back to work soon. Worse comes to worst, we change ownership of the truck to Dan and he drives down by himself with the kitty while I fly when my visa comes, but that is a lot more expense than we want to put out, and not nearly as much fun. This is so irritating. There is no way of knowing when they will send out my visa because there is no person on the end of a telephone to ask.

hurry up and wait - again: more uncertainty

A week ago when I had my immigration visa interview in Montreal, I was told to expect three days for the processing of my visa and up to five days for it to be shipped to me. It's been a week now, or five business days, and it appears it hasn't even arrived at the courier to be sent yet. I don't expect there was a problem, as this was a standard procedure, but goodness, why is it taking so long? Am I looking at the wrong places for my information? Is my visa actually on its way and I'm just checking the wrong websites?

The original plan was for us to start our trip tomorrow. That was based on the assumption that it would have arrived today or before, and if it showed up in tracking, as it should have by now, we would have had a better idea of when to actually expect it. I suppose we were optimistic in anticipating the date of the visa's arrival, but even so, it would be nice to know that it has at least been sent. Good grief.

Thus, we now don't know when we will be leaving, but as Dan prepares the truck and I continue the packing, we will be ready to leave as soon as it comes.

It's still exhausting though. I hate moving, packing, thinking about the thousand details that need to be done. What will we need for our trip? How much clothing to pack and which garments will I need? I've packed most of our clothes now and am just doing a (hopefully) last load of laundry.

At any rate, our departure is once again unknown, alas. Will keep you posted.

Who are you?

I'm sure every couple has their own vocabulary, or set of internal jargon that is meaningful only to them. Early in our relationship, whenever Dan would shave his beard, I would say "who are you?" because he really was a totally different-looking guy.

Case-in-point: when I first met Dan on St. Patrick's Day in 2007, I was pretty sure he had some facial hair. I can only say "pretty sure" because, well, it was my favourite holiday and I was, er, in my cups. Well, tipsy, actually, but I remember him being a fun guy. The following week when we were again in a social situation together (arranged by our dear friend @atrdesign), somehow I was once again in my cups and when Flash pointed over there and said "There's Dan", I remember thinking "that's not the same guy, is it?" I was utterly confused but rolled with it. Thinking back now, he had either shaved his head or maybe shaved off a beard or goatee into a soul patch (which I hate, for the record), and there was something about his glasses. Anyway, he looked different but to talk with him he was definitely the same guy.

More recently, in this waiting for immigration business, Dan started growing his beard when we got rejected at the border in September 2011, and declared he would not shave it until my immigration was approved. Well, as much as I love My Sweety with facial hair, enough is enough. When he was here visiting last fall he shaved it off. He then went back to Kinston and shaved off all his hair too. So, when the Mother Earth Brewing Christmas party photo surfaced on Twitter, I saw the assembled cast and said "where is Dan? And who is that guy with no hair?" No really, I did that.

Yesterday when I picked Dan up at the ferry, I was expecting him to be wearing a hat with a brim and to have facial hair. Instead, he was wearing a hat I had knit for him years ago and had no beard. "Who are you?" I said. He said "I was about to ask you the same thing!" Since, you know, my hair has gotten a lot longer in the 10 weeks since he's seen me. :-)


This time, our being together definitely feels different. We both know that we are together now, and that he won't be flying back alone in a week or two. It hasn't quite set in yet, and that's okay. We're too busy to get bogged down with that anyway. We took the truck for a drive on the highway this morning, since in November Dan figured the truck would need a new clutch before our big long road trip. Now he's not so sure, maybe it will be fine? He'll check all the fluids and make sure everything is running in perfect order before we pack it all up on Thursday. I sure hope the rain holds off while we are tuning up the truck and doing the packing. Rain threatens at every moment.

Sam is not sure what to make of this Dan guy. She remembers he's really good at giving her good chin scrubbing and even jumped up on his lap this morning. I think she's annoyed though that she has to share the bed with him. Luckily he didn't bring his banjo this time - she really hates big noise.

It was Dan's birthday a week ago, and I'll be making a lasagna for dinner tonight. It's still the plan to leave on Friday, though after checking the tracking of my visa with the courier service, I don't think it has been sent yet. If my visa isn't here by Thursday, we'll have to delay our departure until it gets here. Meanwhile, packing continues and we are strategizing about which route to take and how long we expect to be driving. It's kind of fun though, we enjoy this kind of planning. Also, Dan has showed me photos and video he took on Sunday of our house! I'm so excited; in my mind I have already moved in. We have no furniture but a foamie and two camping chairs. That's a good start, right?

Will you see me again before I leave?

I think I have mentioned some time in the past that I have moved away a lot. Moved away from, moved to lots of places. There is always that hectic time in the weeks leading up to my departure when people start asking me if they will see me again before I go. This has happened to me several times this week, and I can only answer "I don't know."

Because I have moved around a lot, I have made lots of friends in each place and in some cases, those friendships stick, others fade away. I don't use facebook anymore (since I think it's a paltry excuse for a tool claiming to help keep you in touch with your friends) (perhaps a separate diatribe on that later) and so the way I keep in touch with people is largely through email and snail mail. Yes I use Twitter - but more often that's been a device for making and building friendships rather than keeping in touch.

This past holiday season I sent out about 50 cards, only one was returned "moved, address unknown". I only got a tiny fraction of that back, but, given I only get around to sending cards every third year, I wasn't expecting much. But I do want to make more of an effort in keeping in touch with people in a way that actually speaks of real connection. Posting a status on facebook doesn't build community. I want to interact with you, not all the people at once.

Thus, because of my rejection of that social media, I think I have lost some friends along the way, and I think I'm okay with that. I am content with the level of connectivity I have and am now committed to building those friendships that I have recently cultivated or am now adding compost to.

If everything goes according to plan, Dan and I will be leaving here on February 1st. That's in 19 days. In that 19 days I will be spending two nights in Vancouver (for my immigration doctor appointment but also a HINF* reunion), two days traveling to and from Montreal with my visa interview in between, a few days when Dan gets here on the 28th doing a last fast round of visits while we get the truck ready and packed up, I have my own packing & cleaning to do, my step-FIL & I are trying to get as much work done in the basement as possible, plus a few other social engagements (mostly family) and I'm pretty much out of time. These first 13 days of January have already galloped past and I feel like the month is gaining momentum. I am also a person who needs a fair amount of down time - time to myself (or to be with Sam!), so I am being protective of my time so as not to overschedule myself & thereby get stressed out.

There will be no party this time around. I have had lots of  farewell parties thrown for me with all my going and returning, and honestly I don't have the energy for it. I expect my doctor appointment and visa interview will go off without a hitch, so my main focus now is getting ready for our big 7-10 day, 3,200 mile journey across the continent and moving into our new home, as well as getting reacquainted with my husband. By the time I get there, we will have been living apart for more than 20 months. I am chomping at the bit to get started in my new life. Get a job, plant a garden, decorate my house, find the knitters, make friends. I am immensely excited about the next chapter in my life, and it's hard for me not to just skip ahead to the end of this chapter. I have 19 days to get myself together - less than that if I'm actually ready by the time Dan gets here (15 days!) 


So, if you are local to me and I don't get to see you before I go, please accept my apology. This is a frenetic time for me and I'm trying to stay sane and healthy. I do hope that you will come visit me/us in North Carolina!



*HINF = Health Information Science, in which I have an M.Sc. and half of a B.Sc. I spent four years in this field of study, graduated in 2009, and am still in touch with a few of my HINF buddies!

the next four and a half weeks

Happy New Year friends and readers!

As I write to you from the house of my in-laws in Victoria, I can finally look on this new year with optimism and hope. I will be flying to Montreal on January 23rd for my visa interview with the US Consulate on January 24th, in which I present all of the documents on paper that they have already received electronically, save for the medical report. On Friday January 18th, I have an appointment with one of two immigration doctors in Canada for which I have to travel to Surrey and where I will have my lungs X-rayed, blood taken, and a physical exam completed.

In the week following my visa interview, Dan will come and, as we expect I will have my visa sent by courier by the 29th or 30th, we will be able to leave soon after that. The plan at the moment is to take the ferry from here in Victoria to Port Angeles, Washington, but given the nature of our trip we may be obliged to go to the Peace Arch instead. Not only will have a visa, but we will also be importing my truck as well as bringing in a feline, so at some point soon I will need to take Sam to a vet to get documents saying she is healthy and fine. I already have the documents for the truck.

I don't know when it will start to feel real, because it is still feeling like I'm reading a book about someone else's life. I go about my day with a sort of a routine, but now that I have an end in sight, I really do have to set to work with packing up my things, deciding what I will wear to Vancouver for the doctor appointment and what to wear to Montreal (where they have below freezing temperatures). What will I wear for our road trip, the 3,200 mile trek to the other side of the continent? I'll want to be comfortable and warm.

My step-father-in-law and I still have work to do in the basement, which we would be hard at except for the round of viruses that has swept through the house. Our resident grad student (my sister-in-law) finished her semester, having pushed hard for thirteen weeks, and the moment she had a chance to relax, BAM, she was hit with a cold. Eventually we all got it, except for the visiting grad student (brother-in-law), who seems to be saving himself for the trip back to get sick. At any rate, this means that the pouring of concrete in the basement will have to wait a little longer.

It occurred to me about six weeks ago that I am in a place where I can go see movies in the theater - my life over the past several years has put me in places where movie theaters were not nearby or easy to get to, so I have been taking advantage of proximity. I first saw Lincoln, which was great. Then I saw Anna Karenina, and despite having Keira Knightley in it, was also good. Then came Flight, which was not so much about airlines as it was about hardcore alcoholism. Then Cloud Atlas, I couldn't really tell you what it was about but it left me wondering about the textiles they were wearing in the last stage of history as they were beautiful and interesting. When my 17-year-old theater-buff niece was here over the holidays, she and I saw Les Miserables, also great and now I know why everyone is talking about Anne Hathaway's solo. Last night I saw Life of Pi - not really high on my list because I couldn't really get into the book but they did a great job of the film. It made me want to come home and hug my cat. This afternoon I saw The Hobbit - on which I have heard mixed reviews from both people who have and have not seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I just told someone on Twitter that while I liked the costuming and set design, I didn't find the story as compelling as LOTR. Maybe it's because I'm just not that into dwarves? Holy crap! That's seven movies in the past six weeks! I've found a great movie buddy in Dan's friend from childhood who lives in Victoria and, like me, prefers to sit in the very back row in the theater. We're going again next week, but haven't decided what to see yet.

Dan has sent me a number of photos, videos and floor plans for the house we are going to be moving into in Kinston. It's in a neighborhood that is being rejuvenated and turned into an arts community, and I am really excited to move in, get settled, decorate how we like and get cracking in the garden. The house sits on .41acre, which will give me LOTS of room to grow food. My three objectives for 2013: install a herb spiral, plant a bed of greens (even if it's in a temporary location), and plant some perennial flowers, especially roses. I have been steeping my brain in permaculture these past few weeks and months, so because there is such a heavy emphasis on design, I can't go too crazy on digging and installing things right away. The first step is to "observe and interact" - see where the winds come from, where the water goes, how much sunlight falls in each place on the property, and what our heating and cooling needs are. I'm reading Gaia's Garden at the moment which happens to be a textbook for an NC State University course on permaculture, available through iTunes University. How convenient that this professor lives in Raleigh - I could meet him and pick his brain!

I also have a stack of visiting to do before my final weeks here. There are some people that I didn't get to visit with over the holiday season because of all the chaos, and a few people I just haven't seen in a while. This could well be my last round of visiting though - I still have a mountain of packing to do and other immigration-related details to attend to. I don't know how much time I will have to blog in the coming weeks before I go - though I will do my best to at least post updates about my situation. Even though my immigration was approved in May 2011, there still exists a slight possibility that the people at the consulate in Montreal could deny me, as could the border agents. I won't be settled until I am across the border with a stamp in my passport, and then after we arrive in Kinston having made the journey in the dead of winter. It's been quite a journey, these past 19 months, but you will never hear me say my life is dull!

I hope you all had a happy holiday season and I look forward to connecting with you in the years to come!

I have a date!

January 24th, 2013 at 9:30am.

I just need to fly to Montreal, stay the night with my brother-in-law who is attending McGill University, go to the US Consulate and present all the documents, and they will tell me "Yes that's great, we'll send your visa via courier tomorrow, you should have it by Monday".

Meanwhile, the week before, I will go to Surrey for the immigration medical exam with the only immigration doctor west of Ontario. I present records of my vaccinations and immunity, have blood drawn, a chest X-ray and the physical exam. My appointment there is on Friday January 18th, the documents for that will be available on the Monday afterwards - but I'm not going to stick around on the mainland for three days waiting for my papers - I'll arrange to have them couriered to me.

When will Dan come? We're working on details for that right now - he does need to make arrangements at work but we expect it will be the week after. There will, I expect, be a brief round of visits and then we will drive away, either at the very end of January or beginning of February. My immigration was approved in May, so this visit to Montreal is supposed to be just a formality, but they and the border could for some reason still deny me entry. I won't feel relieved until we are in Port Angeles.

With just a few days to Christmas, I am still not quite ready. I did send out holiday cards this year, which I seem to do one in every three years, give or take. I am also trying to observe birthdays (three of my family members have Dec 19 has their birthday, and there is also one on Dec 27) and renew my old habit of hand-written letters. In sending these cards and with holiday festivities, I have been reconnecting and spending time with a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while, and I have to say I just love getting together with friends, new and old, and hearing their stories. You just never know where life will take you, and hearing other stories leads me to reflect on my own journey. Despite my odyssey of this past year and a half, I do feel I have been blessed in a number of ways with all the interesting things I have experienced. When we heard that my interview date was for January 24th, we thought "that's later than we were expecting, but at least it's a date". It's next month. It's weeks away instead of months. So rejoice with me!

inch by inch

Immigration:

Last Thursday we received notification that they have now received all our documents and my file has been sent to Montreal for processing. I should have my interview date within ten days.

Well, it's not bad news. We were hoping for our next correspondence from them to be the actual date of the interview, but it seems like they add three extra secret steps for every one we know about. So I should know before Christmas.

Now for some reason, I was given to understand that the US Consulate in Montreal takes a week or two or more off for the holiday season. I checked the website, not so! They only close for Christmas Day and Boxing day (December 26th).

Wouldn't it be funny if I had my interview the week of Christmas? Just think of how exciting it will be for me to arrange sudden air travel from Victoria to Montreal over the holiday season, not to mention interrupt time with my in-laws. That's Murphy's law or something, right?

Well, if it happens, it happens. I am open to whatever the Universe has in store for me. Once we get my interview date, Dan will book his flight and we will make our travel plans.

Any day now...

let's all hold our breath

The NVC has declared finally that they have all our documents.

Now we wait for the consulate in Montreal to tell me when my interview date is. When will we hear from them?


Please please please please please please let my interview be before Christmas.

getting in the water

So after my post about my meltdown last week, I decided that's it. I'm going swimming. I looked at the schedules of the swimming pools in the area, saw that there was an aquafit class in 20 minutes, figured I had time to throw together a bag and go. It was fantastic! It was basically me and a bunch of old ladies and a few older men, thrown in with a few special needs people with their care aides.

I've since been back a few times, having decided that since it looks like I'll still be here through Christmas, then I might as well get me a 5-week pass. Now I'm committed. If' I'm not able to make an aquafit class, I'll swim. On Sunday night I did 1300 meters!

Immigration-wise, nothing is happening. We were promised a "progress report" that was supposed to have arrived two days ago. No surprise that it hasn't come. Certainly it seems like everything that could go wrong in my case, has gone wrong.

So I am resigned to being here for the Christmas holidays, especially given that it is now less than four weeks away until Christmas. How much do I have time to knit?

Also, last week I got my Tdap vaccination. I was really irritated when the doctor gave me the "WHY would you want to move to the US?" song. I must say I'm getting really tired of that one. I felt like saying "yes Vancouver Island is lovely but it is not, as our British Columbia license plates say "The Best Place on Earth" (I mean really, how obnoxious is that?) My husband lives in the United States, that should be reason enough. North Carolina has way more opportunities for us than Canada does. We have family there. Not only that, we like it there.

For my American readers, maybe you know this, but it is common and popular among some Canadians to bash Americans or America. Sometimes these same people will claim not to be sexist, racist, homophobic or otherwise discriminatory but somehow it misses their radar that railing against people of a certain nation is also bigotry. I get real uppity about this, as you can see. How would Canadians feel if Americans commonly thought of us as a whole as 'awful'? If it was any other nation Canadians were wrinkling their nose at, anyone with a brain would call it intolerance (religious, race, or otherwise).

So to my Canadian readers, for the record, America is not awful. Americans are not awful. Canada has its warts too, as does every country, no place is perfect. Millions of people immigrate to the United States every year, whether legally or illegally, so clearly it has something going for it. It's not okay to say "America is so awful", and particularly insensitive to say that to someone who has been without their husband for a year and a half and is trying to move there.

ineptitude, despair, and restlessness

What a cheery title for a blog post.

Before Dan came to visit me from October 27th - November 15th (which is largely the cause for my internet quiet), we (thought we) were on the verge of having my interview date. We had resubmitted the things the National Visa Center (NVC) had asked us to resubmit (namely, the Japan Police certificate and the photo), and we were sure we were just a few days away from getting my date. Then they said "we need you to resubmit the photo again". So we did. And then we waited.

Finally, two weeks later, they said "we need you to resubmit the marriage certificate".

WHAT THE FUCK.

We submitted that in June or July, and seriously guys, if we have to adhere to a checklist of things to submit, why can't you check all the things that need to be submitted on the same checklist? And why not tell us all at once if there are things that need to be done instead of waiting five months?

So Dan dutifully resubmitted the marriage certificate and got the usual banal response "please allow up to 20 days for us to process".

So once again, or still, I have no idea what the next month or three or five holds.

I'm so tired of being tossed around. There is supposedly an "expedite" flag on my file, and given that my priority date is January 5, 2012, we really expected I would have been there by now. Are they really just messing with us? Because it sure seems like that with every single thing we have to do or step to take, there is a problem. It is so exasperating.

Prior to my medical exam, the appointment for which I am not allowed to make until I have the date of my interview in Montreal, I am required to get some vaccinations. The flu shot is easy, it's available anywhere. In September I called the public health clinic and was told I could get the other vaccination, Tdap, free, any time. I went to get these done yesterday. I got the flu shot at a pharmacy, and while the pharmacist did not have the Tdap (Tetanus, diptheria and pertussis) vaccine, she said I could just go to the public health clinic four blocks away and get it for free.

So off I went to the clinic. A snarky receptionist told me that NO they don't do the Tdap and that I would have to go to a travel clinic, that I would have to "purchase" the vaccine (why not just say pay for?), that I would need to make an appointment and phone around because it's not easy to find.

WTF.

Deep breath. Back to my truck. Look up number for travel clinic on my iPhone. Phone clinic. Get voice mail. Leave a message.

Two hours later they return my call. Nice receptionist. Appointment on Friday afternoon, $40 for the doctor's fee, $45 for the vaccination. So much for free health care in Canada.

Now I am mindful that Mercury is in retrograde so maybe after it goes direct on Monday then everything will work out. Even so, there is a limit to how much I can take.

I had a thing happen this morning which is not worth retelling because it is a minor thing, but it triggered an emotional response that basically broke the dam of emotions I didn't know I had been holding in. I cried for hours, felt gutted by despair, and wondered how the heck I am going to get through the next weeks or months until I can be with my husband again. I want to start living my own life again. I want to build soil and plant flowers. I want to be working and feel useful.

I'm not sure what I experienced this morning was actually a depressive episode. My last episode was some time in May, I think, and because I have had a number of them in the past year and a half that Dan and I have been apart, I am keenly aware of what it feels like. Today I was just sad and then mad. Why is my immigration taking so long? Do the letters of the senators and governors and other government officials mean nothing? Will I be with Dan for Christmas?


Yesterday I was installing foam insulation in the basement while listening to the Caithness Craft Collective podcast. LouiseJHunt has a segment called "Random Hellos" and she included me, saying "yarnsalad, how are you, O quiet one?" and that was very sweet. I have been unusually quiet-on-the-internet these past months, it's true. I have so much unstructured time you would think I would be able to put a blog post together a bit more often but alas, it has not been so.

So to wrap up, then, while I don't wish to speak disparagingly of the people who are handling my documents at the NVC, because we have had to submit and resubmit each document at least twice, it makes me wonder what their job qualifications are and what is happening to all the misplaced documents we have submitted. That's the "ineptitude" of the title of this post. Despair was me this morning, Restlessness is me now. I'm ready to move on to the next thing. There is a nice big house and yard waiting for me in Kinston and I can't wait to get unpacked. I haven't seen most of my stuff (in boxes in the basement) for a year and a half. How much longer will it be?

an update: still waiting

What can I tell you? I'm still waiting.

I'm still waiting for the National Visa Center to declare that they have all the documents they asked us to provide. Then I can have my interview in Montreal. The confirmation was supposed to be this week at the latest but there was some issue with the photo so we had to redo that part. Dan is handling that though, they should have everything by tomorrow and it is once again looking possible that I could have my visa interview in Montreal next month.

Now Dan will be arriving on Monday for a 17 day visit. We'll be going to visit friends and family in Vancouver, are undecided about a potential trip to Pender Island (day trip? Overnight?) but mostly we'll just be spending time together falling in love again. :-) Wouldn't it be funny if my interview in Montreal was scheduled for the time while Dan is here? What would that mean for our plans? Well, it's just so darned hard to make any plans.

Meanwhile, I'm helping with the improvements to the basement in my in-laws' house. I'm having great good fun building forms, pouring concrete, knocking out forms, digging trenches, laying drainage pipe, doing math and geometry and physics, driving to the hardware store for cement, tying up rebar, drilling holes, and all kinds of other home-building apprenticeship kinds of things. (It's not a formal apprenticeship, I'm just calling it that.)

But it means that since I'm doing physical labour five days a week, I don't feel like I have much energy to do anything (such as blog) during the week.On the weekends I do my social calls, clean my room and do laundry, bake cookies (I'm on a mission to not run out of cookies), and other sundry activities. I have not had much time or energy to even knit, if you can believe that, and I really miss knitting. All this activity is good, though, because it also means time is flying by.


It occurred to me the other day that in this time that I have been living apart from Dan, that even though I have been living with generous friends and family, it means that I also have had those people in my life to lean on for moral support. I can't imagine what my mental state would have been if I had been living alone all this time. It is an amazing thing to feel taken care of. I really appreciate it. And I try my best to do my part and be helpful, I hope my efforts are enough to offset the cost of my upkeep, though I would do it for a friend or family member in need too. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world, remember? So that's me. Lucky. I get to see My Sweety in six days. 

more waiting

Well it turns out Judith was right. She is an Internet friend who is also waiting for immigration to the US, and she told me - what - a year ago? - that we can't count on anything because this whole thing is not real until I have the document in my hand that says I can enter the United States.

You know me. I am different. I am special. So, my ego has been continually getting slapped in the face for that run of pride and here I am, still waiting.

It was a year ago yesterday that we were rejected at the border. When we started the entire process over again we sure didn't think it would take a year or more. In fact, in November of last year, it even looked hopeful that I'd be there by Christmas. How naive we were.

It keeps on happening where we think we are almost there and then they add a few more months and another list of things they want us to do. No one can really understand this, because it doesn't seem like this should be such a complicated process. I keep hearing questions like "what do they think people who are waiting for immigration are doing while they are waiting?" but the truth is that we are not special. The United States lets in one million immigrants a year, I read (not sure if that was one million people going through the same route I am or if it's entering as illegal and going that route).

I keep getting asked if it wouldn't have been easier if we had lied and said we were just going on vacation and then applied from within? Yes, yes it would. But Dan and I were determined to do everything the right way in line with what the government has decreed the correct routes are. And we are being penalized for it. This is not sending a good message to new or potential immigrants.

So Dan spoke to the people yesterday about the whole 20 days thing. We have submitted all our documents electronically, but it went to the National Visa Center, and they have to verify that everything is there before they will release it to the Consulate in Montreal. That could take up to 20 days. Luckily they work a six-day week so it will hopefully be only three weeks instead of four, but perhaps less. Dan also asked about the 83 days thing (in the summer when I checked it was something like 47). It's because a number of the staff are on holidays right now so they are running low on agents to process these files. So there we are. If I get my interview before Christmas, then I will be very happy. If I don't though, it sounds like they shut down the office for a few weeks around the holidays - which means further delays - and it will mean traveling in the dead of winter.

Now as it is coming up on eight months since I last saw Dan, he is going to come visit me. Tomorrow he'll have a meeting with the powers that be to discuss when and how long he can be away for. I can't tell you how good it makes me feel to know that I will at least see him even if I can't go back with him just yet.

This whole debacle has really made clear that our marriage is solid and it is an amazing thing to know that we can depend on each other. I also have to remember that we will be together again one day, someday I will get my husband back. The husband of a woman I know came down suddenly with dementia last year and was recently hospitalized, the health care professionals are talking about putting him in a care facility because he is more than she can handle in his declining state. She will never get her husband back, so I am reminded how lucky I am that I will.

I am also reminded that, if I have a few more months in Victoria than I was originally expecting, then I have to think about what to do with my time until I can go. There has been talk in the family of spending Christmas in Las Vegas. That plan assumed that I would already be in the States and not prevented from entering as it stands right now. I hate to be the thing that gets in the way of a fun family holiday season, so who knows what we'll end up doing. Maybe sometime in the next, say, 20 days or so we will have a better sense of where I'll be, which will also indicate where Dan will be, and we can go from there. As you know, I *love* Christmas with Dan's family so it would be nice to be with them, but there are no guarantees. But I can spend the next two and a half months thinking about what to do for gifts...

well, maybe January

I could really use some good news friends. Seriously.

Today we got the email that said "thank you for submitting all your documents electronically, we'll let you know in the next 20 business days if it's all in order".

So that sucked. We thought we were ready to schedule.

Then I logged in to try scheduling anyway, since we are extremely certain they have every document they want.

The next available appointment is in 83 days.





Words cannot describe how we are feeling just now. We thought we were within a month of seeing each other.

still waiting

Maybe tomorrow's "tomorrow" will be the right tomorrow.

There was the submitting of documents to the National Visa Center and then the waiting for them to check and see that we had everything they wanted. That took longer than expected (why are we surprised?)

So, with any luck, I will be awakened tomorrow morning by the sound and vibration of my phone, which sleeps next to me, indicating a text message from Dan saying he has talked to the NVC and here is my date and it will be something like November 4th. Or maybe it will be sooner. At any rate, I hope that we are not 12 hours away from an actual date.

Anyway, I'll let you know.

Meanwhile, last night I had dinner with some friends I hadn't seen in several months. It was so nice to be around people who share my interests, who can get equally indignant about grammatical errors, and who are always happy to see me when I come. I keep hearing from many people "I hope I don't see you again" or "I'll be happy to see you leave, but in a good way".

More on the events as they happen...

on the edge of a go date

My criminal record check from Japan, the last document I have been waiting for, arrived today. We have only to submit them electronically (Dan will do tomorrow) and then it looks like we can schedule my interview with the consulate in Montreal. THIS COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN TOMORROW. So I'm a little excited. The knowledge of the date of my interview will trigger a cascade of other actions:

- I book my flight to Montreal
- I make an appointment with an immigration doctor in Vancouver
- I inform my brother-in-law in Montreal the dates of my stay
- I inform my friends in Vancouver the dates of my stay
- I tell the Internet
- I make a dozen phone calls informing friends and family of my happy news
- I kiss my kitty
- I make arrangements with the person who will be taking over my smartphone contract (now with only seven months left, hurray!)
- I celebrate with alcohol and family
- I finish ALL MY KNITTING PROJECTS
- I decide what my travel knitting will be
- etc., etc.

(not in this order)

When my document showed up at the Vancouver consulate on Tuesday, I could not sleep at all on Tuesday  night, I was so excited. I sure hope I can sleep tonight.