Mr. Noodle

Mr. Noodle
Mr. Noodle

Saturday, February 5, 2011

trespassers will be shot

In the United States, you can post a sign that says No Trespassing Posted. This means the resident has registered their No Trespassing, and anyone who may be found trespassing can be shot. The resident has the legal right to open fire against anyone they see trespassing.

Now this may seem like a bad idea for some, heck, even downright unfriendly, but just now, moments ago, I felt my wrath surge and wondered how to combat unwanted visitors on your doorstep.

Just now, Jehovah's Witnesses came to our door.

I don't know why, but nothing inspires more rage in me than that particular religious group peddling the Bible and the Watchtower. I get mad because they come pretending to be friendly, but they have an agenda. They come armed to talk about controversial topics, catching the resident unawares. They have some secret way of mapping out all the new residents and be sure to visit them. Have you ever noticed that most Kingdom Halls have no windows? Why is that? Why do they take such a staunch position about their faith - knowing full well that most of the world is against them and have even been persecuted throughout history.

Today it was an elderly woman and a middle-aged man. I couldn't understand half of what the woman was saying, her accent was so thick. But they wanted to talk to me about the 'growing interest in vampires and witchcraft and things like that'. My response was "so your assumption then is that 'vampires and witchcraft and things like that' are bad?" To which they pulled out Deuteronomy.


I was on a caffeine buzz and the calories from breakfast had not yet registered, so I was a bit shaky to begin with. When Dan saw them approaching he told me it was my turn to deal with them. Then they want to talk about the Occult, a subject I happen to know a lot about. I wanted them to define for me what Occult meant, because my understanding of it and theirs I'm sure are vastly different. They couldn't answer (ha!), and quoted something from the Watchtower.

I was really shaking at this point, was about to launch into a tirade about how the words of the Bible have been translated so many times that the original meaning has been lost, that using a literal translation (as they are wont to do) is basically useless; that the Bible is just a book of stories with no physical evidence of what really happened; and what about the Dead Sea Scrolls? They claim that this thing or that thing is bad when they really don't have an understanding of what these Bad Things really are - and aren't interested in expanding their understanding. They talk about animal and human sacrifice (which happened thousands of years ago, how is this even relevant now?) and for some reason the Bible will save us.

Okay, I may have offended some of my readers at this point. Very sorry if that's the case. But here it is: I am a scientist; I have, in fact, studied rather a lot of the Bible. I have a literature degree, after all, and much of English literature is based on or refers to the Bible. I also identified as a Witch for ten years, which included very intense study of not only Witchcraft and Paganism, but I am also very well versed in all the world's major religions. I have studied anthropology and sociology and was one application away from applying to do a Master's of Divinity. I am no religious dummy.

I am acutely aware of hypocrisy. Honestly I think that historically, the groups who most fervently believe the word of the Bible are the ones most guilty of causing harm. This is true to any religious fundamentalism and that is what concerns me. Followers of a major religion can fall into the trap of letting those with titles or positions do all the thinking for them. This is a major problem, as I see it, because it is giving up one's free will. It's abdicating responsibility for thinking, for owning the consequences of one's actions. How much violence and suffering has been perpetuated in the name of God?

Dan was about to step in and soothe the situation, he could see how mad I was getting and was surprised that I didn't take a round out of these two people. He later apologized, owning that that was the worst possible topic for them to bring on me, the worst possible person they could have brought it up with. Even though I don't identify as Pagan anymore, I am still protective of Paganism. 

I know this will possibly be an inflammatory post. I admit I am writing in a reactionary mood. This does not mean I am irrational though, everything I have said here I have thought before.


  1. Oh dear! Sounds like a volatile situation!

    I have an old JW gentleman who comes somewhat regularly to our door, and while I've made it very clear that I'm Pagan and don't intend to change my faith anytime soon, he still visits. We do have nice chats, so I indulge him. If it were an aggressive team like you had, then I'd totally take them to task!

    Glad you stood up for your knowledge, opinions and experience!

  2. I have similar run-in's with the Mormons here, who tend to show up at the door more than the JWs. It really isn't pleasant when any religious group comes knocking on the door to try and convert you and tell you how your beliefs are wrong. I'm glad you stood up to them!

  3. I really enjoyed this post. I believe everyone is entitled to their own views and opinions. To me this also means if someone is going to sell their beliefs to me, they should be willing to discus the differences and allow me to discus mine.

    You did good.